I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
