I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
