Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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