I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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