It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
