Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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