I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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