Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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