I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
