My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
