Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
