he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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