i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
