She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
