I need help removing her.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
