so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
