we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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