Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
