I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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