If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
