He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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