They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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