I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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