Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
time to smoke my breakfast
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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