is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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