I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
