a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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