Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
