so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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