Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
