My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
