420 ftw
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
