I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you had me at cake vodka
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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