I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
