Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
