I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
