My room smells like vodka and shame
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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