My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
