the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
