Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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