New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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