hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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