They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
