dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
