Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
