You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
