Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
