gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
apparently the secret to your success is patron
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
