Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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