come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so much tequila, so little girl.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
