well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
