I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
