i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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