so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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