Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
