"it" just moved
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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