whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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