I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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