My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
