At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
