Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
