She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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