So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
