Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
