I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
