mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live