Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
