i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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