I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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