if you like me you must not know who I am
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.