I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
