Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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