Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
