I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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