This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
