they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
