I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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