There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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