At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
