Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
