I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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