my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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