i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
