Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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