The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
