I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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