from now on my penis is your penis
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
