Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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