Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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