Who did Billy Mays play for?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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