Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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