She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
