and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
